Stop trying to be happy

When you are angry with a bored child neighborhood, you are not aware of your anger . Do not you think to

 yourself, "Am I finally angry? I do well? " No, you're just annoying. You live and experience the anger. You are angry. And it's gone.P

As a confident man does not ask you convinced a happy man wonders if he is happy. just is.P

This implies that happiness is not attained in itself, but a side effect of a particular set of life experiences in progress. Much mixture , especially that happiness is so marketed today as a goal in itself . "Buy X and be happy " or "Y learn and be happy. " But you can not buy happiness and can not achieve happiness. It's just that , once you get to other parts of his life in order.P

Happiness is not the same as PleasureP

When most people think you are in search of happiness , they are actually looking for the pleasure of good food, more sex, more time for television and film, a new car, evenings with friends , massages full body increasingly popular, and so on. P

But all the fun is great , is not the same as happiness. The pleasure is correlated with happiness, but not the cause. People become drug addicts , for example, was probably pursuing pleasure , but can be found away from happiness. Someone having an affair could hurt their loved ones in the pursuit of pleasure. The pursuit of immediate pleasure rarely leads to long -term time satisfaction.P

Research shows that people who focus their energy into materialistic and superficial pleasures end up more anxious, emotionally unstable and less happy in the long run. Pleasure is the deepest satisfaction in life and therefore easier to shape. Pleasure is what worked for us. This is what we proposed. This is what we use to distract . But the fun , while necessary , is not enough. Something more.P

Happiness does not require reduction of ExpectationsP

A popular story these days is that people are increasingly unhappy because we are all narcissists and grew says we are special snow flakes snow only going to change the world and we have that Facebook keeps repeating how amazing life around the world, but not ours , everyone feel like crap and wonder where it all went wrong . Oh, and everything happens by the age of 23 . P

I think we should give people a little more credit than that. P

A friend of mine recently launched a project of high business risk. He drank most of their savings trying to make it work and failed. Today, he is happier than ever to experience. He taught her many lessons about what I wanted and did not want in life and slowly took his current position , he loves. He is able to look back and be proud of him for it, because otherwise I would have always wondered " what if? " And that would have made ​​it very unfortunate that the failure would have.P

He did not meet our expectations is not the antithesis of happiness. Instead , I argue that in fact the ability to fail and experience is always a key element in happiness.P

If you thought you were going to win $ 100,000 and leads immediately to a Porsche college , then your success criteria were partial and superficial, to confuse their enjoyment of happiness, and the slap of reality hits you in the face could be one of the best life lessons you.P never gives

The argument of " low expectations " suffers from the same old mentality that happiness comes from outside . The joy of life is to have a salary of $ 100,000 ; working for a salary of $ 50,000 , and then work for a salary of $ 60,000 , and so on.P

So I say to raise their expectations . Lengthen your process. Lie on your deathbed, with a to-do list a mile long and a smile to the infinite possibilities that give . Create ridiculous standards for yourself and enjoy the inevitable failure . Learn from him. Viva. Let the crack of soil and rocks crumble around him, it is as developed something amazing through cracks.P

Happiness is not the same as PositivityP

Chances are you know someone who always seems to be happy , regardless of the circumstances or situation. But they could be putting a false front . Positivity is great, but still a negative emotion is denied may lead to deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and emotional dysfunction.P

It is a simple reality : shit happens . Things go wrong . People annoy us . Mistakes are made and negative emotions arise . And that's fine . Negative emotions are necessary to maintain a healthy and stable in your happiness life.P reference

What about negative emotions is 1) express a socially acceptable and healthy and 2) expressed in a way that aligns with your values.P

A simple example : One of mine is to pursue non-violence; so when I'm angry against someone , I want to express this anger , but I am also a point not hit in the face. Radical idea , I know. It is always good to recognize that I am angry.P

There are many people out there who subscribe to " always be positive " ideology. I avoid these people as much as someone who thinks the world is an endless pile of garbage . If your level of happiness is that you're always happy, no matter what, maybe you've watched too Leave It To Beaver and need a reality check . In reality, life is not so placid.P

I think part of the appeal of positivity is how obsessive sold - subject to happy, smiling people on television constantly . Maybe some people in the self-help industry who want you to feel like there's something wrong with you all time.P

Or maybe it's just that we are lazy , and like anything else , we want the result without having to do the job for it.P

Which brings me to what really drives happiness ... P

Happiness is the process of becoming your ideal SelfP

Completing a marathon makes us happier than eating a chocolate cake. Raising a child makes us happier than to beat a video game. Starting a small business with friends and trouble making money makes us happier than buying a new computer.P

And the funny thing is that the three activities mentioned above are very unpleasant and require setting high expectations and potentially not always meet them. However, they are some of the moments and activities of our life more meaningful . Involve pain, struggle , even anger and despair, and yet , once we look back and foggy - eyed.P

Why? P

Because this is the kind of activities that allow us to become our own ideals . This is the perpetual quest to fill ourselves ideals that give us happiness, regardless of superficial pleasures or pain , whatever positive or negative emotions . This is why some people are happy in the war and others are sad at weddings. This is why some people are happy to work and others hate parties.P

This is not the end result that define our ideal . This is not specifically complete the marathon makes us happy , it is difficult to achieve a long term goal makes . It is awesome to have a children's show that makes us happy , but knowing that you have given to the growth of another human being is special. Not the money and prestige of the new company makes you happy , is the process of overcoming all obstacles with the people you love about.P

And this is why try to be happy , inevitably , will be unhappy. Because, to try to be happy it means you are not already living your ideal , is not aligned with the qualities you want to be. After all, if you act the ideal self, then you will not feel the need to try to be happy.P

Cue States to " find happiness " and " knowing you're pretty . " This site is not happiness itself is in you, is that happiness happens when you decide to pursue what is in you. This is a long term of what you want and not the trophy in the following end.P

And that is why happiness is so fleeting . Any person who has established the main objectives of life for themselves , that to achieve and realize they feel the same relative amounts of happiness and unhappiness , know that happiness always feels like it is just around the corner waiting for you to present . No matter where you are in life , there is always something you should do to be extra- specially happy.P

And because our ideal self is always around the corner , our ideal is always three steps ahead of us . We dream of being a musician and a musician when we love to write film music and film music when you write , dream of writing a screenplay . And what matters is not that you get to each plateau of success, but we are always moving toward them day after day, month after month, year after year. The trays come and go, and we will continue to follow our ideal on the way to our lives.P

And with that, when it comes to being happy , it seems that the best advice is also the simplest : Imagine you want to be and then step on it. Dream big and then do something . Nothing . Just move everything will change the way you think of the whole process and serve to inspire further.P

Unleash the imagined outcome; is not necessary . Fantasy and dreams are just tools to get the ass . Whether it's true or not. Man alive . Just live. Stop trying to be happy and to be fair .